I've decided not to do a blog anymore.
I'm a dog, I shouldn't have to blog.
I just wanna play with sticks, eat food, sniff lamp posts and sleep.
It's been fun, though.
But I've got a ball that needs playing with.
Starting.... NOW!

The weather's been nice so I can't really be bothered blogging, but today I saw a man taking a ferret for a walk! Just like me, it was on a leash! It was funny.
I sniffed a lady's leg in a coffee shop today, and nearly saw up her skirt!

I just puked.
Then I ate it.
Yummy!

Oooh, it's been a long time since I did something here. It's been all wintery and stuff. Craig buggered off to Mexico for ages, then we played in the snow a bit when he came back then he went off to England and I played with granny and grandad and now I'm back.
Craig told me that we've been advised by some clever Germans to keep me on my lead when we go out for a walk. I'm not happy about that, frankly, but Craig says I might catch bird flu if I go sniffing around willy nilly. I guess he knows best, but that means walking won't be much fun.

I just wanted to lick your face and wish you a Merry Christmas. I'm going to the countryside to spend the festive season with my grandparents. I hope there's snow!
I'll be back in the new year. Honestly, though, this time concept... Days, months, years... I just don't get it.

I did something silly today.
Craig and me were out in the park having a walk, and we went round a corner and I suddenly remembered that yesterday, there was a half eaten döner kebab on the floor behind a few trees. Yesterday Craig stopped me from eating any of it, but today, I was determined to eat some, so I ran off ahead of Craig, and he found me there, I'd only had a tiny sniff! No chance to eat anything. Boo!
But now he knows. He knows that my memory works. Damn! I've spent two years pretending not to have a memory so I don't have to sit and stay and heel when he wants me too. Now I've blown my cover like that guy getting on the bus near the end of The Great Escape.

My new favourite group is Scooter. I was downloading some stuff last night. I like them! They are like a bit techno-y. They have one bloke who does lots of shouting, and two blokes who press buttons. I think I want to be in a group. I'd be the singer cos I've got charisma, I think. I've been practising holding a mic with an toilet-roll tube. I look good.
Oh, blimey, I just did such a stinky fart! It smells like old leaves and milk! When Craig comes back ot his desk he's gonna puke with surprise! Ha ha!

This morning, we went to the local coffee shop so that Craig could get a drink. There was another little dog in there who was a bit snappy, so I ignored him. There was also a little child human there. They are funny things, huh? I'm not 2 years old yet, but I can run and jump and play football and swim in the sea. Human childs? They're rubbish, they can't even stroke my head without poking me in the eye with their big clumsy paws. What's that all about, eh? I can lick my own penis all day long if I want to; humans, though, well, they won't even attempt to do it til they're about 13 or so, and even then they can't do it. Dogs win!

Hello. It's been a while. I've been poorly. It was horrible. I was having a wonderful time visiting my granny and grandpa, then I started feeling a bit odd. Then red stuff started coming out of my bottom. Then I had to go to see a vet man, who I don't like seeing. Still I felt bad. Poor little me.
The vet man said I had something called enteritis, which is something wrong inside my body.
It took aaaaages for me to feel better again, and I couldn't eat stuff for aaaaages, either.
But now, I feel a bit better. I'm back at home with Craig, and I'm giving him my sick puppy eyes so that he's extra nice to me.

You know what's really frustrating? When I'm taking Craig to the park, he's so slow! He just saunters along, and I just wanna run like the wind! Can't I just go on my own? I know the way. In fact, I know the three or four ways we can go.
But, no. Craig says the roads are dangerous.
Pah, rubbish, I've not been hit by a car yet and I'm a big boy now!
We didn't get to stay too long today, sadly, cos Craig was a moody bugger due to there being buskers in the park playing "crappy jazz shite."

Hello. I've been spending a lot of time lately doing research into the other dogs in my area. And I'm marking out my turf.
You know what? My turf is pretty solid. All around directly outside our home, other dogs don't pee so much any more; and I don't see much poo either.
But the farther away I go, the more I can smell.
So I'm trying to widen my circle.
Craig is calling me Genghis Khan.
Not sure what that means, but it's probably a good thing.
In other news, the dead pigeon has finally been removed from underneath my favourite tree. It took me ages to realise he was dead. Every day for weeeeeeeeeks I'd stop and have a little chat with him, like, Hey birdy, how's it going? Still chillin' there. Don't blame you really, it's summer, might as well make the most of it.
I always thought he was just asleep, or didn't speak dog language, but then I asked Craig about it and he said that pigeon was dead.
I tried to do that thing that Catholics do where they made a cross on their chest with their fingers, but, well, my paws just couldn't cut it.

Aaaah, I have use of a computer again! Hurrah! Craig's back from New Yorks. That's good. We went to meet him at the airport, and there were loads of people all stood around with big bags on wheels and stuff, and then it was weird. I was looking one way, then I turned my head, and there he was! So I licked him a lot, and jumped up a bit.
I wanted to tell him I missed him and that I'd been ill.
But he wanted to sleep a lot, so I slept right next to him to make sure he didn't run off again. And he did leave again this morning, and I thought, Oh no!, but he was only gone for a couple of hours, and then he took me out and I did a wee against a bicycle and then I did a poo in front of a hotel. It's good to have my master back, and I think he's happy to be back too.

I was looking at Craig's blogging thing, and noticed that he had a seperate design layout from the Flip Flop Flyin' page. Well, I thought, that's not fair! I am Billy! I am spaniel, hear me roar! So while he was on the loo, I opened Photoshop, nicked his design, put my face at the top, et voila! I too have a nice looking page.
Me happy now. I might lick my penis now to celebrate.

I did a puke this morning. Bleeeugh! It was horrible. It was all acidy and frothy. And people looked at me funny on the street cos I had white stuff hanging out of my mouth. Craig was a bit embarrassed, too. He had an apolgetic look on his face like, "it's not rabies, honest!"
Now I'm not allowed to eat anything. Boo! I want some toffee!

Hello. Craig says I've got to do a blog today, cos I've not done one for ages. Phew, I don't have the energy, really. It's so summery. I just wanna lay on the nice cool wooden floor and have a nap. I've been spending a lot of time watching the world go by through the window. What's happening out there? Well, it seems they're doing some repairs to the tram lines, so they've replaced the service with a bus. That's a bit quieter. The couple across the street had another big argument today. They always argue. I feel sorry for the dog that lives with them. He's always stuck in the middle. When one of them storms off in a huff, he doesn't know which way to go. Poor bugger.
Anything else... let me think, let me think... oh! ooh! there's a dead pigeon under a bush down the street. Not had chance to have a good sniff, yet, but one day I'm gonna distract Craig with some fireworks, and then when he's going, "ooh, a Catherine Wheel," I'll sneak under the bush and have a good root around.
Right, gotta go. There's a plump pillow on the sofa with my name on it.

We went to Granny and Granpa's house last night to water their plants while they are on holiday. I didn't really know this, so I got all excited and then, well, they weren't there. But Craig and me played a really good new game. He'd spray the water near me and I'd jump up and try and catch some. It was SOOOOOOO much fun. But then, Craig turned the hose to its 'jet' setting and then started spraying it right at me. that wasn't so much fun. He laughed a lot, and I had to run out of the way all the time.

For the first time in my short doggy life (I'm only 18 months old in human years), I got a bit scared of another dog. Okay, I ran away that time that the dog and man attacked Craig and me; but this time, a doggy just growled at me. He growled hard and I saw his teeth, and I dunno, I just went all jelly legs and ran to Craig and hid behind him.
Does this mean I'm a big softie?

Ever since Craig and I had our little run-in outside the bakery, he's been a bit scared when he's on the street with me. I think he thinks I'm a wimp. But, I think it's him that's the wimp. Whenever we see another dog, I'm all happy and ready to play, but I can feel Craig holding me back a bit. So, I try to show him I'm tough by barking at the other dog, but Craig doesn't understand.
So it was nice this morning that he let me go into the Hundewiese to play with a dog. It was a bitch, so I had a good sniff. And we ran 'round and 'round. It was brilliant. I hope he lets me sniff more often now.

While Craig was away, I went for a week's holiday with my granny. I love it there. It was a week of fun. Running in the garden, smoking cigars, drinking brandy, eating ice cream. Brilliant.
Craig still seems a bit weird since he came home. He keeps taking about something called a Steven Gerrard. What is that?

Well, you might've read on Craig's blog that he got punched yesterday. I'd like to thank him for saving my ass. And I'm glad that he isn't mad with me for running away, it's just that, sniff, the other dog was so big and scary, and he wasn't playing with me at all, he just wanted to bite me and hurt me, and not sniff my bum, and just hurt me and bite me. So I escaped when Craig grabbed him, and then I ran off. I think I might do some karate lessons, so I can help out in future.