MIKE OLDFIELD "TUBULAR BELLS"
NOT all of it, of course. That would be a Herculean task for my memory to cope with, like learning all the words to Rapper's Delight or being able to name all the islands in Indonesia.
  The bit of Tubular Bells that is in my brain is the last segment of side one, with Vivian Stanshall introducing the instruments. I can't remember which instruments they are, so my brain was making up new versions: banjo! panpipes! wah wah! chewing gum! frogs!
  I realise that Mike Oldfield is deeply uncool, but I quite like a fair bit of his music. I think this is because at an impressionable age I used to babysit for boys who's father was a huge fan of Mike, and he knew I enjoyed music and took great pleasure in playing me some of Mike's songs while his wife was putting her make-up on. (This isn't a crappy 'don't women take ages to get ready?' joke, it's just true; he was always ready first. My girlfriend is always ready before me, anyway. I'm always doing one last thing on the computer with no socks or shoes on and she'll be like, 'Craig, I'm ready! C'mon!')
  The fun began, though, once they'd gone out. Me and the boys used to play Star Wars. Lots of imaginary light sabre battles and with me on all fours on the rug, they would balance on top of me pretending to be X-wing fighters.
  Sometimes growing up is a pain.
Sun 06 July 2003