NEIL DIAMOND "FOREVER IN BLUE JEANS"
THIS was playing over the supermarket's PA. I like how every Neil Diamond song is essentially the same. It's like he realised early on that a good way to write a song is to start off in a way that promises to get bigger, but keep building the verses one step at a time until you can't take any more. The more I think about it, the more his songs seem like the music equivalent of strippers. You know she's gonna whip her pants off at some point, but part of the deal is having to wait and wait and wait.
  I've only ever been to a strip club once. I was in Gent in that foxiest of European nations, Belgium. Four of us went to this place (two of us were girls, so it wasn't some sordid stag night or something). Anyway, it looked like a really nice place outside with loads of cool blue neon. Inside was quite as one would expect. There was one woman looking a bit bored taking her clothes off, which was all well and good. But the best part of the night was when two middle aged very drunk woman who were previously just watching the show from the floor got on stage and began to undress. One was wearing tight jeans. She'd had no trouble taking off her top and bra, but the jeans were just impossible for her to take off sexily. They got a bit caught around her angles and then all the feminine poses gave way to a bit of tugging at the belt and cuffs of the jeans. She had to kinda lie down and do it, cos they wouldn't go over her shoes. Eventually, though, they were off.
  There's two possible endings to this Ohrwurm. One is the comedy masturbation insinuation where I could say, "and so was I!" But that wouldn't be true or hygienic or polite. The other would be to somehow connect the woman not getting her jeans off and the title of the Neil Diamond song, but I'm not clever enough to do it in a smooth way.
Thu 07 August 2003